Alert: Complimenting Black Cuisine Is Now Racist

There was a time when I was sick of hearing accusations of racism because they had become so commonplace, what with anti-racism being such a big career booster in politics. Now, whenever I hear that there is a new “racist” scandal, I actually get giddy. For this reason, a part of me truly adores liberals; they are the ones who have trivialized racism to the point of its becoming a hilarious joke. For that I thank them.

The racism story du jour involves two Colorado politicians, both women, one black and one white, one a Democrat, the other a Republican. (You can make the racist yet accurate assumption as to which one is the Democrat.) The incident occurred in a meeting of the Economic Opportunity and Poverty Reduction Task Force, which both women attended.

In the meeting, the Republican, Senator Vicki Marble, said, “When you look at life expectancy, there’s [sic] certain problems in the black race.” (Also when you look at murder-for-fun, but that’s another story.) “Sickle cell is something that comes up. Diabetes is something that is prevalent in the genetic makeup. Although I gotta say, I’ve never had better barbecue and better chicken and ate [sic] better in my life than when you go down south. I mean, I love it. Everybody loves it.”

Oh my God, it’s like Jim Crow all over again!

Rhonda Fields is the Democrat in this story. Because she is the celebrated trifecta of being a woman, a black, and a Democrat, you know she was just itching for another opportunity to portray herself as a victim.

In response to Marble, Fields belched, “One of the things I will not tolerate is racist and incentive remarks about African Americans, the color of their skin, what you mentioned that we eat.”

The truth of the matter is that what Marble said was racist. I know this now because liberals said it was racist, and they would never create much racial ado about nothing. That’s just not in the character of a liberal. So this “I love the same food that blacks admit to loving” must be true racism.

This is good to know so that I can avoid making similar racist comments in the future: anti-Hispanic comments such as, “I really do love burritos, and whenever I visit our southern-border states, I just can’t pass up going into a nice, local Mexican restaurant”; anti-Semitic comments such as, “I’m not Jewish, but a friend of mine gifted me a dreidel when I was younger and I used to love playing with it with my Jewish neighbors”; and anti-Asian comments such as, “You know, I just love visiting Chinatown. I go about twice a month for dinner. It’s just the best food you’ve ever had.”

Comments such as these—such disgustingly derogatory and rayciss comments—will not be tolerated. How dare we compliment the cuisine of other cultures and races! We should be ashamed of ourselves.

And since it is racist to compliment the favorite meals of southern blacks, logic dictates that it is pro-black to belittle those meals. Allow me to begin my pro-black comments:

Blacks in the south have disgusting food! If you let it sit on your plate for more than two minutes, a pool of grease starts to build up until your plate overflows with the stuff. Cornbread is too crumbly, their chicken is nothing but fried batter around a leg bone, and watermelon is just too messy and you end up with a sticky neck.

(Good thing I didn’t write that I actually love fried chicken and that my favorite fruit is watermelon; such a nice remark would qualify me as a black-hater.)