Florida Haters Bar Man From Marrying Porn-Loaded Laptop

Obviously, just like Massachusetts, Florida is run by a bunch of Christian haters. Why else would they forbid a man from marrying the love of his life—his porn-loaded MacBook?

It all started with a “gay marriage” court case that argued the Florida government is obligated to recognize so-called “gay marriages” that are legal in other states. According to Broward Palm Beach New Times this allowed additional arguments:

Enter Chris Sevier, “a former Judge Advocate and combat veteran” who filed a motion to intervene on the Florida gay marriage case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.”

In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.”

Which is?

“My porn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.

The story doesn’t even attempt to be unbiased, but treats Sevier with contempt as if his filing is nothing but an attempt to discredit “gay marriage” rather than a real attempt to get married to a computer. I don’t see why. Lots of science fiction stories have imagined a time when men or women would want to marry robots. I remember a rather embarrassing scene in Joss Whedon’s movie Serenity that portrayed such a scenario.

Nevertheless, the news site passes judgment on Sevier’s sexual orientation by saying,

Short on sound legal grounding (and even shorter on wit), Sevier’s filing is obviously an attempt to punk the legal system because he doesn’t agree with gay marriage (as he says in the filing, “sexual orientation” never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his “social agenda to make America a ‘gay nation.'”

Yes, who would deny “sexual orientation.” Oh right. A bunch of intelligent, academic, self-identified homosexuals; that’s who.

Fortunately, here in Florida, the federal judge manning the gay marriage case has tossed Sevier for now. “Chris Sevier has moved to intervene, apparently asserting he wishes to marry his computer,” Judge Robert Hinkle wrote in an April 24 ruling. “Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit.”

Anyone who thinks this case has no bearing on the issue is the one who is “removed from reality.” The people who brought us the word “throuple” are not joking. The story declares the judgment a victory for common sense.

Common sense is that there is no marriage without a husband and a wife.