Obama Weeps For Economic Hardships Of FBI Agents

It seems that recruiting weirdoes to be terrorists and offering them training and financing to do crimes they would never have tried on their own, and then busting them and claiming that you “foiled” a terrorist plot is hard and expensive work. Never fear, Obama promises he will always have the FBI’s back no matter what those evil Tea Party Republicans do.

President Obama on Monday assured employees of the Federal Bureau of Investigation that he would fight to keep politics from interfering with their mission as the agency struggles to contend with budget shortfalls.

Speaking at the agency’s headquarters at a ceremony recognizing James B. Comey as the new director of the F.B.I., Mr. Obama said it was unfortunate that the broad spending cuts known as sequestration have affected the agency’s resources as it tries to adjust to constantly changing threats.

“I’ll keep fighting for those resources because our country asks and expects a lot from you,” Mr. Obama said, “and we should make sure you’ve got the resources you need to do the job.”

Right. Without the FBI who would protect us from the terrorists building death rays? Or rather, where would the money come from to build the death ray guns so that we could be rescued from them by the heroic FBI?

Besides, unless the government paid for those smartphones, many agents would no longer be able to do sexting without paying for it themselves.

I realize there are probably FBI agents who do productive work. I am not claiming to describe everyone in the bureau. But Obama has decided to go out of way to drum up sympathy for these people in a way that he never does for middle class taxpayers losing their insurance thanks to him. Lots of people are hurting in this economy, even people who don’t work for the government. Obama simply ignores them as worthless while he wrings his hands over government employees.

He expects us all to pity the FBI and agree with him to get rid of sequestration for their sakes. How can anyone not find that angering?

And they are so self-important.

Mr. Comey said that as director he will instruct new agents to visit the memorial to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Washington, in addition to continuing to visit the Holocaust Museum, as a way of keeping in mind their unique responsibility.

Right. Because without the FBI, someone will commit the holocaust in the US or re-invent apartheid. We just can’t throw enough money at the FBI.