Open Christmas Letter to John Boehner

John Boehner should find coal in his stocking.

boehner war

Here is the headline from the National Journal: “House Narrowly Approves Massive Spending Bill.”

The House narrowly approved a massive spending bill Thursday night just before the government was set to run out of cash, as an unusual coalition of Republicans and Democrats teamed up to pass a measure that drew fierce criticism from both liberals and conservatives.

The $1 trillion spending measure passed 219-206, with 161 Republicans and 58 Democrats in favor. It now heads to the Senate for passage, though because the government is technically set to shut down at midnight, the House was also prepared to pass a short-term resolution to give the other chamber a few days to act.

With President Obama joining all Republican leaders and House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer in support of the package, backers were able to overcome a concerted effort led by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and other key liberals—including Sen. Elizabeth Warren—who complained that the measure was larded up with provisions to help Wall Street, among other special interests. Many on the right also balked at the bill, preferring to punt long-term spending decisions until next year when Republicans control the Senate.

[…]

Boehner was more dramatic later Thursday morning, telling reporters: “If we don’t get finished today, we’re going to be here until Christmas. You all know how this process works.”

Dear John:

I perceive the strain you are under, trying to sell out the American people for the sake of special interests. Such a sadness that you think you might be there till Christmas, if you can’t finish your further destruction of economic sanity today.

Because I care, I tell you what: Why don’t you just go home… today… and never come back? That will resolve your concerns about not being home for Christmas—you can stay home from here on. I sincerely believe this is a far, far better option than putting a monumental lump of coal in the American People’s stockings with this Cromnibus crap.

If you succeed in your efforts to ruin my birthday today, please know many of us will be working very, very hard to start a second political party in America, since it’s clear you and the Democrats are on the same page when it comes to betraying the People.

Merry Christmas, John. Don’t let the door hit your yellow stripe on the way out.”

Sincerely,

Bob Allen