“OK, Purple Penguins, it’s almost time for lunch, so let’s line up like good little Milkers and Juicers. …”
If the above makes you exclaim out loud, “What the? …” then join the club.
Apparently, it makes sense in Lincoln, Nebraska, where middle school teachers were given training handouts on how to create “gender-inclusive” classrooms.
The first advice is to not use phrases like “boys and girls,” “ladies and gentlemen” or even “you guys.” Instead, teachers are told to use gender-neutral terms like “campers,” “readers” or even “purple penguins.” Yes, purple penguins.
Another suggestion, when it’s necessary to divide up students, is to categorize them by likes, such as whether they prefer milk or juice, dogs or cats, skateboards or bicycles.
God forbid a kid should like soda, fish or pogo sticks. …
But then, it probably goes without saying that God doesn’t fit in this anywhere. “Male and female he created them” and all that.
Moving on, the training handbook suggests 12 steps teachers should take.
“Always ask yourself, ‘Will this configuration create a gendered space?'” suggests the handbook. And here I thought gendered space had something to do with Captain Kirk and his many interstellar conquests.
“When you find it necessary to reference gender,” the handbook continues, “say, ‘boy, girl, both or neither.’ When asked why, use this as a teachable moment. Emphasize to students that your classroom recognizes and celebrates the gender diversity of all students.”
Rather than “boy, girl, both or neither,” which is a mouthful, I would recommend columnist Todd Starnes’ suggestion, “b-words” and “g-words.” While I recognize that “b-words” could mistakenly be taken to refer to the authors of the aforementioned handout, with an allowance for retraining time, I am confident it ultimately will be quite useful in creating a non-gendered space.
Step 7 gives teachers guidance on how to create a climate of fear among the little penguins should they continue to use the b-word or g-word: “Look for examples in the media that reinforce gender stereotypes or binary models of gender (it won’t be hard; they’re everywhere). When with others, call it out and interrogate it.”
Next step, the Gender Gestapo: “Be intolerant of openly hostile attitudes or references towards others … on their statements about gender. Being punitive may stop the behavior, at least in your presence. Being instructive may stop it entirely.”
And, of course, “Avoid using ‘normal’ to define any behaviors.”
Another handout, written by “social justice comedian” Sam Killermann — who really should change his/her/both’s/neither’s name to Sam Killerbeing — was titled “The Genderbread Person” and encourages kids to describe how well they align with “what you understand to be the options for gender,” then offers a whole list of choices, including things like “two-spirit,” “gender/queer,” butch, androgynous, femme and other equally mind-boggling terms.
School officials are actually defending this batch of monkey cookies with a straight face — oops, “straight”; there I go again.
Lincoln Superintendent Steve Joel told the local paper (italic comments added), “We don’t get involved with politics. (No, of course not!) We don’t get involved with gender preferences. (It only looks like we’re getting involved with them.) We’re educating all kids (in how to be homosexual or at least neurotic) … and we can’t be judgmental. (Except toward those we are intolerant of, as described in step 8.)”
Things have certainly changed since I went to school, back in the Jurassic Period, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.
Still trying. …
Still trying. …
Yeah, no, that’s not working.
Question for Lincoln school administrators: ARE YOU B-WORDS OUT OF YOUR MINDS?
That was rhetorical. The rest of us already know the answer.