With one ruling in favor of public sectarian prayer on Monday, the Supreme Court has destroyed the country so many people thought they lived in, where Christians are sent to the corner and told to shut up, like the Founding Fathers intended.
“We are really angry,” said Rob Boston, a spokesman for Americans United for Separation of Church and State, which litigated the lawsuit against Greece, New York. “I mean really, really, really angry. Oh my Flying Spaghetti Monster are we angry.”
“I mean, what the hell?” Justice Elena Kagan wrote in her dissent. “Do you Christians really think you have, like, freedom of religion and speech and stuff? Only atheists get that. That’s why everyone else — except Muslims, Wiccans, some of the New Agey people and Jews who supported Obama — need to just go away.”
The court’s ruling allowed the town council of Greece to continue offering non-generic, Christian prayers before meetings, despite the complaints of a local atheist and a nonpracticing Jewish friend whose nonreligious religious sensibilities were offended by the demonstration of plain old religious sensibilities above the insensible sensibilities the sensibly insensate complainers sensed they wanted.
“They invoked the name of Jesus, for Christ’s sake!” said Linda Stephens, the nonreligious atheist who wants her religion to be the one in charge. “Just once I want those damn Christians to shut up, shut up, shut up!”
Kagan was joined in dissenting by her fellow nonpracticing Jews, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen G. Breyer, and ex-Catholic Sonia Sotomayor.
“The least you people could do,” Kagan wrote to the majority on behalf of the dissenters, “is roll over and keep it generic. You know, generic ‘god,’ not ‘God.’ Little g, not big G. Could be God, could be Apollo. But no-o-o-o-o, you have to let Christian pastors use the ‘J-word.'”
When Boston, of the church-state separatists group, was asked about the fact that the Greece town council allowed ministers of other faiths, including atheism, to give invocations but no one had volunteered in recent years, he replied, “Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Keep that on the down low, dude.”
Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing for the majority in the 5-4 decision, said that in a truly diverse society, everybody gets to talk, which means sometimes people have to act like adults and be respectful of other people’s views.
“You just don’t know what it’s like,” Kagan whined, tears falling into her Starbucks, “to be a minority faith in America.”
“I think I got it,” Kennedy snarked back. “You sit in your own little world, pitching and moaning about how you’re oppressed and expecting everybody else to kowtow to your whims. … There’s the door. Walk out if you’re offended. Come back when you’re ready to participate in the broader community like real Americans.”
Kagan was last seen running weeping into the woods.
Boston was mysteriously picked up by an ominous black blimp with the letters AUSCS painted on the side in dripping blood-red paint. “This isn’t over,” he shouted, shaking his fist. “There’ll be Dawkins to pay, mark my words!”