University’s Advice On How To Stop Rapists: Pee Your Pants

I have never been called a gun nut by a liberal, nor do I think I ever will be. I’m just not one of those types. I definitely plan on getting a gun soon and learning to use it, but I, like many liberals writing our gun laws, do not know the difference between a clip and a magazine, what makes an assault rifle an assault rifle, or whether “bullet” and “round” are interchangeable.

That’s not to say that I don’t support gun nuts; I do. And being a gun nut is certainly better than being an idiotic Democrat who fails to comprehend that guns do not make good people into bad ones, but rather, bad people make good guns into bad ones. I’d take being a gun nut over what I am dubbing a dumb nut.

Last month the dumb nuts at the Department of Homeland Security released a video that advised people in the workplace to throw scissors at a shooter if, God forbid, someone ever decided to go postal. Nothing stops crime like a solid ream of paper. It was all part of the government’s effort to make not owning a gun in times of crisis look much more appealing. It was meant to make people come to the fantastical realization that bullets can be stopped mid-air with a good snip of the scissors and to make people think, “I guess I don’t need to buy a gun after all, and I can just let the government buy up all the weapons on the market for no explanation whatsoever.”

Now the dumb nuts are at it again, this time reigning from the University of Colorado. In light of a bill that was passed in Colorado’s State House that banned all persons from carrying guns on the campuses of public universities, UCO updated their recommendations to female students on how to deal with rapists: pee your pants and induce vomiting.

That’s right–forget the DHS’s recommendations to throw Rolodexes; what will really stop crime is to purge your stomach and your bladder so that any would-be rapist will be so grossed out to go anywhere near you that he leaves you alone and finds some other victim to violate.

Our public servants have officially gone off the deep end. They have become so insane with their hatred of guns that they have convinced themselves that adopting the silliest, most laughable methods of self-defense will be just as effective as a bullet in keeping us safe.

Now can we please get the conversation started on term limits?