63-year-old Racist Uses Gun To Stop 2 Armed Robbers, Saves Dozens of Worthless Lives

My driveway and the roads throughout the neighborhood beyond became all at once a post-apocalyptic wasteland of a profusion of potholes, crumbling curbsides, and the skeletons of automobiles stripped of their tires, doors, and dignity, their paint jobs replaced by rust, and more than a few engulfed in flames. Dead birds were strewn about the dead lawns in front of houses whose windows, overnight, were shattered and then boarded up.

The sequester had hit.

The state of the outside world such as it is, I dare not wander beyond the refuge of my own threshold.

Thankfully I still have Internet.

It was on that Internet that I saw a security video (from last summer) of a 63-year-old man named Samuel Williams use his gun in a heartless, gutless attempt to slaughter two young black men who were only trying to rob everybody in the Internet cafe in which the incident took place.

The two would-be robbers had weapons of their own–one a gun and the other a baseball bat. They burst through the front doors of the building, presumably shouting harmlessly for everyone to put their hands up (because that’s what most everyone in the video does when they see the men enter). They both looked like they had just stepped out of a rap video.

One of them sweeps his handgun over the room of unreasonably frightened patrons. No one is being hurt. And then from the back corner of the room, an old fat man, presumably a right-wing nut-job, whips out a gun of his own and runs towards the gun-armed man and starts firing–attempted murder! (And racist, because the two men he was shooting at were black.)

The two victims of society trip all over their baggy pants as they scramble for the doors and flee from this madman, Mr. Williams, who dared to risk his worthless life to save the dozens of lives in the room praying that they would get out of there alive to see their families again, a prayer that this old man almost prevented from happening when he started shooting the two other armed men; why, he could have killed someone with that assault handgun of his!

To the liberals and Democrats, I must offer my condolences that the two black men were not able to successfully rob and kill the Internet-cafe patrons, and I feel your pain in seeing two black youths so unjustly mistreated.

And to those Internet-cafe patrons I must say this: You were all about to be robbed, and who knows how many of you would have gotten killed, but I must apologize for the fear you must have felt when that 63-year-old racist started shooting at the armed robbers. Sure, he prevented a bunch of you from being killed and robbed, but he could have accidentally hit one or two of you with his gun. But you’re safe now. In the meantime, I’ll be writing letters to President Obama and congressional Democrats to pass new gun laws (or executive orders) that will, in the future, prevent men like Samuel Williams from having a gun in such a future scenario. That way you will feel much safer the next time you are robbed at gunpoint, knowing that there isn’t some right-winger with a gun nearby to save you.