Dancing with the Stars Closets Michael Sam

If Dancing with the Stars “accepts” Michael Sam, then why force him to act heterosexual?

You will remember Michael Sam as the man who deeply kissed his boyfriend on draft day. Draft day didn’t end up being as productive for Sam as he would have liked, which seems amazingly metaphorical now that I think about it.

[See also, “ESPN Televises America’s First Man-on-Man Makeout.”]

Michael Sam has been invited to and has agreed to appear on the show Dancing with the Stars.

Count on it: as soon as he makes it past the first trial, Sam will go mash lips with his boyfriend. (Whether it will be the same one or a new one doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you because I don’t keep up with Sam’s life.)

I don’t make this prediction because I think Sam is an attention-hound or anything. (I’m not denying that about him but it is not the basis for my prediction.) I am sure it will happen because that is the only way Sam will be able to deny that the show has stuffed him back into the closet.

You see, Sam’s dance partner for the season will be Peta Murgatroyd.

peta murgatroyd

No, that’s not surgery. Murgatroyd is a beautiful, athletic woman.

[See also, “Draft Day Kiss Was a Miss.”]

So here is the deal. We are supposed to redefine marriage. We are supposed to accept homosexuality. We are supposed to deny that there is anything special or superior about a heterosexual coupling compared to a homosexual relationship…

And all our dancing must be heterosexual? Michael Sam has to dance with a beautiful female?

I realize it is “traditional” but why is the tradition of male-female dancing so important that Sam can be expected to fit himself into it, but not the tradition of heterosexual romance and marriage?

We have to redefine marriage but Michael Sam has to dance with a female. Is that because men and women complement each other in some significant way?

Thus, my hunch that he is going to have to include some major on-camera liplock with his significant non-other just to wash away the intense heterosexuality of the whole program.

One thing I hate about the whole homosexual push against marriage is not just the immorality but the stupidity that surrounds us on every side. Michael Sam’s choice of men is just as valid as choosing women, but he must only dance with a woman and isn’t permitted a man. Bradley Manning claims he can be a woman despite his biology, but somehow the name “Bradley” is innately masculine and he wants to be called “Chelsea” because that name is inherently feminine. A transgender “woman” must be treated as a woman, and will feel personal pain if you treat “her” like a man, but we are supposed to affirm that the sexes are interchangeable.

Too crazy.