Ditching Monogamy Means Self-Destruction

Today I have seen news articles on these recent “marriages”:

Then there’s the New Republic piece referenced in this brilliant bit of writing by James Lileks at National Review—rarely is blatant, narcissistic, destructive, self-centeredness so clearly on display as in “It’s Time to Ditch Monogamy.”

Believe me, I get it. The world is broken, and filled with disappointments. There is no rejection so painful as that which rips us asunder from one with whom we shared the most intimate union; you bared everything to them–everything–and they ultimately betrayed you. They used you for their own purposes, and then walked away–and you still feel it. I feel it, too. Sadly, long ago, I also did it.

But denying the hijacked impulse for lasting union—which ended in that pain through misuse—and bowing down to the shrine of self, is not the answer.

When cancer afflicts a loved one, it’s common to vicariously feel their pain. Sometimes we are forced to endure a slow, gut-wrenching march of death. But what Helen Croydon and Cameron Diaz have done is to turn around and worship the cancer.

Rather than seeking healing, these women boldly proclaim that living “cancer-free” is an illusion, and deny the possibility. They counsel us to become inebriated on the cause of the disease.

Yes, relationships are hard. But deep down every one of us longs to be fully loved. We yearn for a lover to stand with us, no matter what we do, or have done. Someone whose patient endurance refuses to abandon us—seeking our good—even when it costs them, deeply.

One who calls us beautiful, despite the ability to see every self-inflicted scar of our past.

That kind of love is possible and real—I have experienced it. I suggest what we need to banish is not monogamy, but our suppression of the truth about who we are, and Whose we are.

God gave marriage as a picture of the eternal union He intends between us and Him. Once you experience His love, you access a grace that enables you to (albeit imperfectly) mirror that love to others. God makes monogamy possible, fruitful, and fulfilling beyond most people’s imagination.

God loves you, and has proposed an eternal marriage, with you as His bride.

I testify that although it is in no way easy, saying “yes” to His proposal introduces you to a Divine love that transforms your earthly loves, making them more joyful and stable than you ever imagined possible—it begins to heal the cancer of self-will that spawns so much agony and death in our relationships.

Don’t fall for the lie that banishing monogamy is the answer. Embrace the truth that our Creator made us for Himself and that in Him you will find what you have futilely tried to satisfy through other means. Once you’ve experienced His love, you’ll be amazed how glorious monogamy is.

There’s a reason our most enduring stories are about one prince and one princess living happily ever after—it’s a story inscribed upon the deepest part of our being, by the Author of life.

Monogamy is God’s idea for our greatest good, on earth, and forever.