Give Dennis Rodman (and Me) The Nobel Peace Prize!

I agree with the walking personification of hepatitis known widely as Dennis Rodman: he should receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his diplomatic trips to North Korea in 2012.

In an interview with Sports Illustrated, Rodman said, “My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it’s been left to me to smooth things over, I don’t know.” Well, it wasn’t left to you, Roddy, believe me. But you did a fine job, and I agree with you when you say, “If I don’t finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something’s seriously wrong.”

And how! The former NBA star with the crap jammed into his face has done more for peace than President Barack Obama, an actual, no-joke, Nobel Peace Prize winner. Whereas Obama was awarded “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples” in his first two weeks in office (!), we never saw him actually give a warm hug to a mass-murderer (mostly because there were no photographers present when he launched his political career in the living room of domestic terrorist and friend Bill Ayers); we never saw him make any efforts other than his incessant talking about how awesome his election would be for securing peace with our enemies. Rodman put his own money where Obama’s mouth was.

Rodman flew out to North Korea, where they are so far removed from the rest of civilization that their own leader thinks Rodman is still a hotshot celeb, embraced the psychopath in a comical juxtaposition of clashing shapes and sizes; attended basketball games with the little tyke, after which Rodman would lift Kim up from under his arms to the height of the hoop so he could experience the pleasure of a slam dunk; and gave reciprocated back massages before spooning in a hammock on Kim’s palace balcony overlooking the starving peons below. Rodman was able to make Li’l Kim smile for the first time in his pathetic life. And is that not, really, what the Peace Prize is all about now? Not the hard truth of outcomes, but the soft feeling of efforts?

Really the only difference between the Nobel Peace Prize and the prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box is that the Peace Prize is not won by chance and it’s probably not made of plastic. That, and I didn’t accidentally swallow a Nobel Peace Prize and then display it on my mantel two days later. Which doesn’t sound too far off from something Rodman might request a prize for doing.

So, all things considered, let this be my official self-nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize. If Obama can, I can. We all can. Yes we can.

Happy Day of our Short-Lived Independence from Big Government, everybody!