Global Warming Causes Less Snow, Except When It Causes More Snow

What ever happened to the looming ice age that was to spell doom for humanity? Remember the warnings from the 1970s? (Well, I don’t remember them–I wasn’t alive–but I have read about them.) If politicians, by which I mean liberal ones, were consistent in their conclusion-jumping–and not only consistent, but smart–they’d quickly latch back on to that story to fleece the public out of even more money, because, given the Snowpocalypse of 2010 in which we here in Virginia had to shovel two feet of global warming out of our driveways, and given the Snowmageddon that’s expected in New England as of this writing, it looks like an ice age is on the horizon.

I do miss the fears my elementary school teachers tried to fill me with regarding that nefarious acid rain. We kids knew what acid was. It was what burned and melted everything it came into contact with. It was what gave Two Face two faces. We felt pretty invincible drinking orange juice and reading the ingredient “citric acid.”

But warnings in the ’90s that the rain would eventually do to Earth what the pail of water did to the Wicked Witch at the end of The Wizard of Oz was not scaring us kiddies or the low-information voters near enough to be a lucrative addendum to our education. Politicians needed something more immediately apparent to take the place of acid rain.

What is something that people actually witness and feel, and not only that, but what is something that people actually complain about?

The temperature!

(This is where liberals say that “climate change” is not about the temperature, but about the climate. But that’s a bunch of crap; the initial warning of “global warming” was that the globe was warming. The word “warming” refers to temperature. The only reason the politicians have changed the label to “climate change” is because there was no warming occurring out of the ordinary. Temperatures are cyclical and travel over the globe in such a way that there are years of warmer temperatures followed by years of cooler temperatures. Get over it. It was originally called “global warming,” not “climate change,” so I’m calling it “global warming.” It’s not my fault if that label no longer perfectly fits the liberal narrative.)

Changing the temperature of an entire planet was a great cause to get low-information voters behind. Who doesn’t complain when it’s a hundred degrees outside and the humidity makes you want to cry? Thus global warming became the cause du jour, something of which the politicians could remind everybody every single summer, when people are really feeling the heat. Autumn comes, then winter and spring, and global warming is forgotten about. But the advent of summer always brings with it sirens being sounded by politicians. “Man, d’ya feel that heat? Can you feel it suckin’ the water right outa ya? Sheesh, that global warming is really somethin’! Say, if you slide me over a bit a’ your money, I can make that go away for ya.”

Remember when congressional Democrats told us that global warming would cause less snow? Remember when alarmist David Viner of the Climatic Research Unit at the University of East Anglia (of Climategate notoriety) said that global warming would soon render snowfalls a “very rare and exciting event” and that “Children just aren’t going to know what snow is”? Remember Greenpeace and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change telling us the same thing in 1993 and in 2001, respectively? (Both those links are dead now, but those were the original sources.)

Well, now that the facts of more snow are contradicting original prophecy, the consensus among scientists is that global warming–a heating up of the planet–causes more snow.

So heads up, New England. Feet and feet of cold, icy global warming is snow-falling your way.