In L.A., Even the Buses Are Racist

I actually like taking the bus in Los Angeles whenever it’s not too hot. It’s cheaper, it’s more relaxing, it gives me time to read, plus you get a little incidental exercise walking to and from the bus stop.

Little did I realize I was supporting a racist system.

At least, that seems to be the implication being made in a recent L.A. Weekly issue, which featured an article titled “Why Don’t White People in L.A. Take the Bus?”

(The L.A. Weekly is one of those strange niche publications whose continued existence is a testament to the number of drug-addled part-time actors in town who need some light reading material during bouts of the munchies.)

Don’t say this too loud, but apparently the bus system in Los Angeles discriminates against white people.


Statistics show that while whites — pardon me, non-Hispanic whites, ever since that Trayvon Martin thing — represent about a third of all commuters, they only represent about one-ninth of public transportation users.

Clearly, racism is involved. I blame Republicans.

I feel like such a — well, I can’t be an Uncle Tom, as I’m given to understand these things go, so maybe I’m, what, an Uncle Bob?

The article also explains that poor people are overrepresented among bus riders. Can’t imagine why that would be, with gas only $4.25 a gallon. On the other hand, who in their right mind wouldn’t want to ride the bus, especially if their only other option is a Jag with leather seats and surround sound?

The article also seems to imply that the bus system is designed to be anti-white by serving neighborhoods that are more densely populated and not sparsely rural.

Imagine an agency planning not to put buses in neighborhoods like West Hills, where there’s one house every 300 yards, and put them instead in neighborhoods like Reseda, where there can be 300 people in the front yard of one house.

If only more wealthy white people would sneak across the border and shack up in Panorama City, we might not have such an embarrassingly racist bus system in Los Angeles.

Well, the good news is that unemployment is still in the double digits in most parts of Los Angeles, so there’s a large potential ridership just waiting to buy a day pass.

Another crucial factor to consider is the Los Angeles Public Works road repair plan, which calls for filling potholes with plaster of Paris and Bisquick on average once every 10 years. I’ve seen wheels — not tires, wheels — come off in some of the intersections around here. That will surely continue to reap new recruits.

If L.A. really wants to solve its racist bus problem, it should try a little outreach to encourage whites to ride. Maybe some commercials in English, letting white people know there’s an option to paying $150 per week for gas and $300 a month for car repairs.

Maybe the Metro folks could hold a series of informational fiestas — called “feasts” in Whitese — featuring traditional white person foods, like hamburgers, Pop-Tarts and lots of mayonnaise — we Cracker-Americans love mayonnaise. …

Or … here’s a wild thought … brace yourself.

Or, people in Los Angeles could stop stressing about what race everybody is and what they’re doing, and we could all get together and tell our elected leaders to lower taxes, get businesses back in town and start generating jobs so that the city has more revenue for improving all transportation, and more people who don’t want to ride the bus can afford not to.


Follow me on Twitter. Like me on Facebook.