Liberal Priorities: Outrage Over “Makeover” For Disney Princess

Because liberals are usually feelers instead of thinkers, they get caught up in the romantic, brainless crap called popular culture more easily than conservatives do. A recalibration of their priorities is in order, especially in light of a recent outrage of theirs: a makeover of the Disney-Pixar character Merida, the heroine of last summer’s Brave.

Before being officially inducted into the Disney Princess family, Disney is giving Merida an ever-so subtle character redesign that entails a tangled and wiry mess of fire-orange hair becoming slightly less tangled and wiry, and her already tiny waist becoming a pinch thinner.

This prompted a liberal to create a petition on the website (a liberal one, as indicated by the feel-good domain name) The petition reads, in part:

“The redesign of Merida in advance of her official induction to the Disney Princess collection does a tremendous disservice to the millions of children for whom Merida is an empowering role model who speaks to girls’ capacity to be change agents in the world rather than just trophies to be admired.”

I hate (love) to be the one to break it to you morons, but Merida doesn’t exist. She isn’t real. How about this: don’t seek fictional cartoon characters to be role models for your children, yeah? Your kids can never strive to be a female warrior who battles with bears and performs physics-defying somersaults. And if you insist on your kids’ role models being fictional, why can’t you create your own?

You know who was a “change agent,” and certainly no visual “trophy”? Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, whose recent death liberals celebrated with utmost jubilance. And the added benefit of her being a role model for kids is that, you know, she’s real; she isn’t the product of some filmmakers’ imaginations.

The petition continues:

“Moreover, by making her skinnier, sexier and more mature in appearance, you are sending a message to girls that the original, realistic, teenage-appearing version of Merida is inferior; that for girls and women to have value–to be recognized as true princesses–they must conform to a narrow definition of beauty.”

You mean the narrow, feminist definition of beauty that says you must be homely to be taken seriously? Are all the smokin’-hot babes out there with naturally unblemished skin and silky hair not “real”? Are they unworthy of being looked up to just because they’re sexy, no matter how great their personal character is?

The character of Merida will still have the same character traits in any future portrayals of her. The only difference will be that oversensitive feminists will strain their eyes to pick out the few subtle differences in her appearance; kids won’t notice a darn thing because they won’t have been corrupted to only focus on people’s appearances and judge them thereby, as these petitioning feminists do.

But it’s good to get on record what incites liberals to impassioned action. Not a denial of a request for security that ultimately killed four Americans; not fascist intimidation by the government through the IRS in order to silence peaceful dissenters; but the character design of a Disney princess.