PETA Outraged That Chris Christie Killed A Spider

No, he didn’t sit on the spider. And he didn’t eat it either. Although it’s possible that he has eaten many spiders in his lifetime. On average, a person eats 4 spiders a year during sleep, and he’s 50 years old, so you do the math.

Actually, that’s a myth. I mean, the 4 spiders a year thing. It’s not true. It’s an old wives’ tale. (Is that sexist?)

What had happened was a group of school kids were visiting Governor Christie’s office. Maybe it was a field trip or something. Kids were surrounding his desk, and someone spotted a spider. None of the kids were spooked, so it was probably a small one.

The Governor approached the desk and asked where it went. After he located it, he picked up a phone receptor to kill it and then decided he should use his bare hands to appear more gubernatorial. After all, he is up for re-election this year, and every little bit counts.

So, he put the phone receptor down and killed the arachnid with his left hand. When he dusted his hand off, the spider’s carcass probably fell to the floor. Then he subtly wiped his left hand on the back of his chair before placing his left hand into his pants pocket.

He remarked to the kids, “That’s also another fun part of being governor. Any bugs on your desk you’re allowed to kill them and not get in trouble.”

Well, now he’s in trouble with PETA. The organization’s president Ingrid Newkirk responded, “He probably did it without thinking. Some people put the spider outside, but spiders are often scary to people, and that can prevent them from pondering their worth.”

They’re probably upset that they weren’t able to get to it first. They wanted to be the ones to kill the spider, and Christie deprived them of that bit of joy in life.

That’s what they do to the cats and dogs that they take in. Most of them are killed in the first 24 hours after they receive them. But that’s how they “take care of them,” so it’s OK. The spider certainly wouldn’t have lasted nearly that long.

I’m a little surprised PETA isn’t calling for a memorial to be erected in honor of the fallen arachnid. That’s what they did when a bunch of fish were scattered across an Irvine, California street as a result of a car wreck.

Bass were being kept alive by several oxygen tanks in a truck that was transporting them to a market. After the truck collided with two other cars, the fish and oxygen tanks spilled out all over the intersection, and the fish quickly suffocated. PETA wanted the sign to read:  “In memory of hundreds of fish who suffered and died at this spot.”

Maybe there needs to be a memorial erected at PETA’s animal “shelters,” in memory of hundreds or thousands of cats and dogs who suffered and died there. And PETA acts like they wouldn’t dare kill a fly or a spider.