Report: President Obama Unilaterally Suspends 22nd Amendment

Barack Obama announced today that by Executive Order #13666 he has hereby suspended the 22nd Amendment, wisely saving the nation the costly and unnecessary expense of holding future elections.

Press Secretary Jay Carney immediately touted the massive, deficit-shaving implications at a press conference in the White House Briefing Room. “Corporations and individuals will no longer have to waste time figuring out which candidate to buy, “ said Carney. “The President also plans to institute a new tax, providing a home for those funds that would have been sent to losing campaigns.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell reacted with outrage, saying, “This is unconscionable! Apparently Mr. Obama actually meant it when he said he can ‘do whatever he wants.’ Originally we thought it was just another helping of baloney, like his promise that if you liked your doctor, you could keep your doctor.”

king obama

Speaker of the House, John Boehner, shared McConnell’s disgust, urging the President to compromise: “I hereby call upon the President to sit down with us; to work out an acceptable agreement allowing Republican leadership to appoint its own choice to fill that office on a rotating basis, “ whimpered Boehner, choking back obvious tears. “We don’t have time for this nonsense. We have important bills to write on behalf of our most important political donors!”

[Note: Hopefully everyone realizes this, but just in case: This post is satire!]