Terrorists Smuggling Sperm Out of Israeli Prisons

I just didn’t know what to think when I read this story. Apparently, terrorists in high-security Israeli prisons are smuggling sperm to the outside to impregnate their wives while they’re incarcerated.

Why would any prisoner would want to do this? One of the guys was serving 27 life sentences (plus two hundred years for naming his ugly camel Muhammad … that last part was a joke). So you know he’s not ever going to see his wife again. And he’ll never meet his biological son. Or help in any way to raise him. So why? A few reasons were given by wives. I’m just making up the rest:

  • By the time my husband gets out, I’ll be too old to have children, and he’ll trade me in for a younger model. This has actually happened. So your wife waits faithfully for you for 1,890 years, and then you go and dump her when you get out? Seriously, man. You need to hang on to that woman.
  • Prisoners want to make sure their terrorist legacy continues. That child is going to be thoroughly indoctrinated into the glory of his father’s cause and the injustice of his father’s persecution. And, worse, the son will be free to construct these grand fantasies without his jerk of a father ruining things with his unpleasant presence.
  • Wives are bored, and think having children will fill their waiting time. They aren’t allowed to remarry—or go outside—so it helps if they have some domestic duties to keep them occupied while they wait for their abusive husbands to get home.
  • For those few Muslim women who aren’t willing to wait, stories of smuggled sperm are pretty convenient to have floating around. “No, I didn’t cheat on my husband with Ali the goat-milk-man. It was my husband’s smuggled sperm. I promise.”

This is just weird. And when reporters asked just how they were getting sperm out of high-security Israeli prisons, the wives were silent. They said they didn’t want to ruin it for other people. Yeah. I wouldn’t want to ruin it either. Sounds like it’s more thrilling than a conjugal visit. Actually, knowing what we do about how Muslims treat women … it just might be.