The Democratic War On Words Wages On

When you hear the phrase “citizen of France,” what comes to mind? Perhaps someone who is an official and legal member of the citizenry of the country of France; someone who is, simply, with no caveats, a citizen of France.

And the word “citizen” by itself? How about someone who is an official and legal member of the citizenry of any locale? “Official” and “legal” are important qualifiers; when I fly to Boston to visit my girlfriend, I do not become a citizen of Boston. And were I to take a vacation in one of the countries President Obama lost to the dirty hands of terrorists, such as Egypt, I do not become a citizen of Egypt.

When you hear the phrase “brown bag,” what comes to mind? Perhaps school lunches? Field trips? Grocery shopping? An ugly date? Perhaps, simply, a brown bag?

The Democratic War on Words wages relentlessly onward, its latest battlefront of inanity being in the government and office buildings of Seattle.

The latest words to get the axe from official documents and meetings in business and local government are “citizen” and “brown bag.” They have the potential to be highly offensive, you see. Heaven forbid Seattleites develop a thicker skin than their current soft, epidural mush.

Elliott Bronstein works for the Office for Whiners, or, as his business card calls it, the Office for Civil Rights. He said, ridiculously, “For a lot of particularly African-American community members, the phrase ‘brown bag’ does bring up associations with the past when a brown bag was actually used, I understand, to determine if people’s skin color was light enough to allow admission to an event or to come into a party that was being held in a private home.”

I have never witnessed or heard of a black person going catatonic when he heard or saw on a label at the grocery store the phrase “brown bag,” but if there are any of these people out there, they need to be in therapy. Do those little green Army men figurines send Vietnam veterans into quivering fetal heaps on the floor of the Dollar Tree? Perhaps. Should we then ban little green Army men figurines? What about the title “House Minority Whip”? You know what whips were used for in the 19th century, right? That designation might offend some blacks. Should we change the title to “House Minority Snappy Rope”?

It is not the responsibility of society to cater to the mental psychoses of individuals. “But what if that person is black?” No! No matter how black he is, his insecurities are not my burden!

Bronstein the Brownshirt suggests city officials and government employees could use the word “resident” to replace “citizen,” and “sack lunch” or “lunch-and-learn” to replace “brown bag.”

Two problems: A resident and a citizen are two different things, as I demonstrated earlier. How do you govern or legislate if you can’t be specific in official documents? What if a law affects only citizens, not residents? What then? That’s one. Two: who ever heard of putting your groceries in a “sack lunch” or hiding your whiskey in a “lunch-and-learn”?