There Really are Zombies in America: They’re Called Voters

There are Zombies in Montana . . . and in every other state across America. They’re called voters. They feed off the living.

If you’re not familiar with the story of the Montana zombie attack, some hackers were able to take over the Emergency Alert System of Great Falls affiliate KRTV television station’s regular programming and put out an emergency bulletin of a zombie apocalypse.

The KRTV website says the hackers broadcast that “dead bodies are rising from their graves” in a number of Montana counties and were “attacking the living.” People were warned not to “approach or apprehend these bodies as they are extremely dangerous.”

You can watch it here:

My first experience with zombies was Night on the Living Dead, directed by George Romero. It was filmed in my hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, in 1968. It was freaky scary since it used television personality Bill Cardille to give it an air of authenticity. Cardille is best known as “Chilly Billy Cardille,” the host of Chiller Theatre, a late night Saturday program that showed horror and science fiction films.

A girl I graduated with was married to Bill Hinzman, one of the main zombies in the film. He’s the guy in the image attached to this article. Sadly, he died this month last year.

Every time I see a zombie movie, I think of low information voters. They live by “attacking the living,” that is, by consuming the hard work and property of the productive. Every November, Democrats open their graves to serve the economic and social zombie apocalypse.

They suck the life out of the living and leave deserted neighborhoods, wrecked families, and dependent generations in their wake. Here’s some recent evidence:

“When Obama entered office in January 2009 there were 31,939,110 Americans receiving food stamps. As of November 2012—the most recent data available—there were 47,692,896Americans enrolled, an increase of 49.3 percent. . . . [B]etween January 2009 and November 2012 the food stamp program added approximately an average 11,269 recipients per day.

Bob Hope had something to say about low information voters, I mean, zombies, in the 1940 film Ghost Breakers. Keep in mind that the film is set in Cuba, the once prosperous island that succumbed to the zombie horde:

Lawrence (Bob Hope): “Then maybe you know what a zombie is.”

Montgomery (Richard Carlson): “When a person dies and is buried, it seems there are certain voodoo priests who have the power to bring him back to life.”

Carter (Paulette Goddard): “How horrible.”

Montgomery: “It’s worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own.”You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.”

Lawrence: “You mean like Democrats?”

Here’s the short clip: