USDA Suiting Up for Combat

I think our government is running a secret program to make Robo-cows to enforce this nation’s dairy regulations.

How else do you explain the U.S. Department of Agriculture putting out requests for submachine guns and body armor?

Earlier this month, the USDA solicited dealers for an unknown number of .40-caliber submachine guns. The requested weapons would include night sights, rails for flashlight attachments, 30-round clips and oversized trigger guards for use by gloved hands.

If that wasn’t weird enough, the USDA is also soliciting ballistic body armor, complete with special undies. Presumably they will say “USDA Choice” across the derriere.

We’ve gotten used to the Obama Administration squirreling away billions of rounds here, tens of thousands of guns there, hundreds of armored personnel carriers just because, and of course coffins for the civilians.

Gotta make preparations for that civilian security force — cough, gestapo. (Excuse me.)

Even the lowliest government agent these days is either packing or can bring the heat with a phone call.

Now the USDA does include the Forest Service, which has had some rough encounters with radicals sitting in redwoods and relieving themselves on passers-by. But even then, submachine guns and body armor seem a bit much for suppressing a granola rebellion in the national forests.

The USDA also operates the Beagle Brigade, those patriotic pups that check airport baggage for contraband food items. (“Snausages! Everybody down!”)

I could see wanting to put the beagle officers in some sort of protective armor, or maybe cute little sweaters, but I don’t think they can operate the submachine guns.

So what gives, USDA?

Are we expecting a lot of shootouts at the bacon factory? Or just want to intimidate farmers and make sure they don’t try to grow non-Monsanto GMO crops?

Or … could it possibly be just one more example of an aggressive, growing fascist regime that has far bigger plans than they are letting out?