About The VMAs (Avoid Reading If You Don’t Want To Catch AIDS)

No, I did not watch the annual sex romp on MTV that they call the Video Music Awards, or VMAs. If ever it were possible to catch HIV/AIDS by watching TV, the VMAs and the music videos on BET would be Grand Central Station for the virus. I’d rather not take the risk of becoming the first person to contract it visually, so I just steer clear altogether.

I did read about it, however. Lady Gaga wooed liberals by committing sacrilege once again, stripping out of a nun’s habit to reveal nothing but a seashell top and a thong, and Miley Cyrus followed it up by dry-humping everything in sight. You know, standard television fare for 14-year-old girls living in Democrat-voting households.

And then somebody who pronounces his name “Mac LeMore” but stupidly spells it “Macklemore” won an award for a song that celebrates sexual attraction between people of the same sex. It was a nice balance, really, since the rest of the evening, from what I’ve read, was all about normal-person sex.

Macklemore’s song, “Same Love,” is crap. If you haven’t heard it, you can be confident that it’s crap because it won an award at the VMAs. Technically its music video won the award, but its video didn’t matter; the message is what mattered. The award is actually called the “Best Video with a Social Message” award, because good intentions are what pass for good music. (Ironically, the video opens up with a woman giving birth, something queers, as they like to be called now, can’t do.) All you need to do to win that award is to sing a song without any rhythm or rhyme, with lyrics like, “Gays are awesome, whites are racist, blacks don’t commit crime at a higher rate than whites, nor do they rape at a higher rate, lesbians will bring world peace, and women can live without men, who suck.” Boom, I just ad-libbed the Song of the Century. I’ll record it, along with hand claps for rhythm, and submit it to a music producer as soon as I finish writing this.

In accepting the award, ol’ Mack said, “Gay rights are human rights.” MSNBC called it a “poignant” moment. Gays can’t seem to separate their sexual preference from their humanity. They define themselves by their deviancy. First and foremost, in their minds, they are Gays.

First and foremost in my mind, they are mental. This is why they fit so comfortably in the culture being sold at the VMAs.