Without DHS, Who Would Save Us from Pirated Panties?

Pirated panties and unlawful lingerie, oh my! Thankfully, the Department of Homeland Security exists to save us.

After the attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, we needed a new Federal agency to protect us from the horrible threats facing the nation. Thus, the Department of Homeland Security was founded.

royals panties

So now this Federal agency is being used to stop panties from being sold with pirated designs that allegedly infringe on the cash cow of an NFL team. According to the Washington Times, “Homeland Security raids Kansas City boutique over Royals panties: report.”

A lingerie shop owner in Kansas City says her store was raided by Homeland Security agents Monday morning over a few dozen pair of panties she made in honor of her hometown baseball team.

Peregrine Honig, owner of Honig’s Birdies Panties shop in Crossroads, said she designed the Lucky Royals boyshorts that were set to go on sale Tuesday.

That is until federal agents showed up at her door and demanded she surrender the illegal undergarments.

“They came in and there were two guys” Ms. Honig told the Kansas City Star. “I asked one of them what size he needed and he showed me a badge and took me outside. They told me they were from Homeland Security and we were violating copyright laws.”

The panties, printed in Kansas City by Lindquist Press, read, “Take the Crown,” with “KC” across the bottom, the newspaper reported.

Officers reportedly explained that by connecting the “K” and the “C,” she infringed on major league baseball copyright. The panties were confiscated and Ms. Honig said she signed a statement saying she wouldn’t use the logo, the Star reported.

So there you go. Your tax funds are being used to keep you safe from illegal underwear!

[See also, “Homeland Security Gestapo Raid Evil Vehicular Emission-Standards Violators.”]

I mean, without a Federal agency to pressure a guilty plea on the spot without trial, how could a Kansas City business deal with an infringement issue at another Kansas City business? Obviously there are no local courts or law enforcement systems that could possibly handle this important issue. It has to be enforced by a Federal agency we invented on the pretext of a terrorist attack.

Makes perfect sense.